Stop Being a "Victim"—"Let Go" and Let Her Focus on Healing from Betrayal Trauma!
It's very easy to lose track of your own recovery from porn addiction and try to CONTROL your spouse's healing. To be successful in your own recovery, you MUST be willing and learn to "let go" and let her travel her own path of healing from the betrayal trauma you have caused.
If you're not mindful, you will find yourself becoming obsessed with what she is or is not doing—this will suck away energy and focus that should be dedicated to YOU breaking free from porn addiction! Although it can be VERY hard to accept, you CANNOT "fix" or "undo" the trauma you have caused her! But, you CAN move forward and CHOOSE to work your own recovery. This is THE best hope you have of healing your marriage relationship. The only truly effective way to make forward progress in your own recovery, her healing and your marriage is to establish and adhere to CLEAR BOUNDARIES! Going through unexpected or "hard things" (which you will!) is NO excuse for chucking your boundaries and returning your "old way" of doing things. This will only move you right back into the "victim role" and stop your progress dead in its tracks!
One way we can all be blind-sided is when things are "going well." We can tend to get complacent and stop doing the things that are working.
Although it can seem contradictory or "paradoxical," the best chance you have at a connected, joyful marriage is both of you traveling your own individual paths of recovery and healing. Here's an episode from Mark and Steve's podcast—Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts—where they talk raw and real about "letting go" and breaking free from "victimhood"—
Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn
If you're LDS and struggling with porn addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help