Recently, a friend asked me a question that I've been asked my many women over the years. She prefaced the question with something like:
I feel like many men struggle with a sense of entitlement for sexual pleasure and/or being "serviced" by their wives. A lot of men have a belief that if they're not getting it from their wives, they have the right to seek it elsewhere through things like pornography, sexting and even affairs.
Her question then was, "How does someone CHANGE this mindset of entitlement so they can stop so much negative impact on the marriage relationship?"
Healthy Sexuality vs. Sexual Entitlement in Marriage
First of all, after experiencing my own tendencies toward this attitude during my deep addiction years, and having worked with men all over the world over the last 20 years, I agree that we have all been raised up in a culture that has created an "entitlement attitude" when it comes to the expectations for sex in a marriage relationship. Now, don't get me wrong—I absolutely believe that "healthy" sexual intimacy is a beautiful, connecting, wonderful part of a marriage relationship. And I also believe that it can easily become twisted and unbalanced.
Take a "Sexual Assessment" for your Marriage Relationship
Here are some questions to consider:
- Do you believe it's possible to confuse "sex" and "love" in a marriage relationship?
- Do you understand the critical differences between "needing" and "choosing" when it comes to sexual intimacy?
- What role do "healthy boundaries" play in healthy sexuality within a marriage? What are these boundaries, how do you establish them and how do you enforce them?
- As a couple, are you willing to discuss and decide what "kind of sex" you desire to have in your marriage relationship?
- What is "love" in your marriage--how do you define and SPECIFICALLY practice it?
- When it comes to sex, are there certain "paradigms from the past" that you may need to let go of?
Here's a recent PBSE podcast where Mark and Steve talk about these issues in depth—
Here's an article that will help you in your "Sexual Assessment" in your marriage—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage
Why FULL disclosure is CRITICAL to your Marriage Success: https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage
Learn why his porn addiction and the Betrayal Trauma it brings is NOT YOUR FAULT—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault
How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage