Healing Betrayal Trauma:
Betrayal Trauma Can Make Your
Entire Marriage Feel Like a Lie!
A healthy marriage relationship is always built on trust, loyalty, love and mutual respect. The shocking discovery of betrayal brings intense feelings of anger and confusion. Whether sexual infidelity is virtual or physical, there are few experiences that create more hurt and pain. When you are betrayed by the person who vowed to honor, respect, love and cherish you above all others, your world shatters. This “betrayal trauma” can trigger overwhelming feelings of anger, fear, confusion, anxiety, depression, fatigue and much more. It can feel like your whole marriage relationship has been a lie.
You Are NOT Crazy and
It’s NOT Your Fault!
A first step in healing betrayal trauma is knowing that you are NOT crazy and you are NOT overreacting! Trauma happens to people who go to war, who live in violent neighborhoods, who experience serious accidents, AND trauma happens to people who are betrayed by a spouse. Your betrayal trauma and your feelings are real and legitimate.
It’s not uncommon for a betrayed spouse to wonder if she somehow contributed to her husband’s addiction or could have prevented it. The clear and resounding answer to THAT question is “NO!” Just as a woman is not responsible for a husband’s drug, alcohol or gambling addiction, she’s also NOT responsible for his pornography or sexual addiction! This is SO important, let's state it again—HIS PORN ADDICTION IS NOT YOUR FAULT! There’s no body type, sexual position, set of lingerie or physical enhancement that would have prevented your husband’s addiction. His bad choices are NOT your fault! And it’s not your responsibility to “fix him.”
Your Safety, Wellbeing & Healing
are the First Priority!
Imagine you’re on a commercial airline flight when suddenly the cabin begins losing pressure and you can’t breathe. The first thing you must do is secure your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others. If you find yourself in a betrayal trauma crisis, the first priority is your safety, wellbeing and healing. The good news is, YOU are NOT alone! We’ll help you move forward on your own personal path of healing, which includes our professional support and the support of other women who have faced challenges similar to yours.
We’ll also help you stand firm in setting and enforcing clear, healthy boundaries in your marriage relationship. This includes his complete honesty and full disclosure. This allows you to continue supporting your husband, while making certain that the consistent daily work, responsibility and accountability for his recovery are squarely on his shoulders. If he is willing, we will guide him on the path of completely overcoming porn addiction. We’ll help him recognize his abusive tendencies and behaviors, guide him in changing his thinking and habits and help him evolve into the emotionally safe, protective and loyal husband you deserve and need him to be.
You are OK and Enough
Just as You Are!
Our hearts go out to you in your crisis and your pain. We’ve been through our own personal experiences with this terrible challenge, and over the last 20 years, we’ve helped many couples travel the path of healing and recovery. Betrayal Trauma is NOT a trial you asked for and it’s NOT fair. Things may look bleak in this moment and you probably have a lot of fear and anxiety about the future. Please take hope in the fact that there are many of us who have been where you are now. We are living proof that you can heal your marriage relationship, however broken, if both partners are truly committed and willing to do what’s necessary.
And though you would like nothing more than to see your husband’s full recovery, you can heal betrayal trauma and move forward with complete confidence and self-worth regardless of what he chooses to do or not do. Investing in yourself is the best thing you can do for your marriage. You are OK and enough just as you are in this moment. You are of infinite value and you are worth it!