Recently, a listener on our podcast—Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts—submitted a message through PBSEpodcast.com. She indicated that she's engaged to be married. Her fiance admits to regularly using pornography and she has been very blunt with him that this is NOT OK! He has repeatedly promised to get help for his struggles, but has failed to follow through. In fact, she discovered he has lied to her about his desires to get help—he has not given up nor reduced his porn use at all.
She also discovered text communications between him and his friends where they all commented that her demands on him are way too high and she's crazy for making a big deal about his very "normal" use of porn. And, she has discovered that he's been lying about other aspects of his life outside of the pornography issue. He shows many of the signs of "gaslighting." All of this has created a lot of Betrayal Trauma for her! The symptoms she's experiencing keep intensifying and piling up.
So, what should she do? What are reasonable, healthy boundaries and expectations for her to establish and enforce? And VERY importantly, what are the CONSEQUENCES if he refuses to honor those boundaries?
Here's the PBSE podcast where Mark and Steve address this situation and offer guidance—
Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com