When we attempt to overcome unwanted behaviors—especially porn addiction—and repeatedly fail, we’re often left with feelings of frustration, shame and self-doubt. “What’s wrong with me?” “Why can’t I overcome this?” “Maybe I’m just a lost cause or a loser!” In order to progress forward and overcome your unwanted behaviors, you need to understand the true nature of your struggles and “How you got here.” Learning that there is a logical, reasonable, scientific explanation behind your porn addiction behaviors will change the way you view yourself and be a huge advantage in moving forward. But, before you delve into the brain science of, “How did I get here,” there are some very important things you need to understand about yourself and some myths that you need to let go of. As a therapist, I am often asked, “What is the typical profile of someone trying to overcome pornography addiction and other destructive sexual outlets or behaviors? After working with struggling individuals across the world, here are some of the most common characteristics:
1. They are very bright and intelligent
2. They tend to be sensitive and caring
3. They have a personal belief and value system that is important to them
Do these common characteristics surprise you? Once you fully understand the facts and underlying brain science behind your struggles, these characteristics which appear to be a contradiction, will make sense to you.
You’re stuck in unwanted sexual outlets and behaviors–not because you’re weak or a failure–but because you have great strengths that have been working against you. The Reclaim program teaches you how to turn your perceived weaknesses into the strengths that they truly are!
As you start to examine the underlying causes or reasons for your sexual behaviors, it’s very important to identify certain “myths” you may believe about yourself. This “flawed thinking” can be a barrier to your success. So, let’s straighten these myths out right now.
1. “If anyone finds out about my struggles, or learns about my ‘secret life,’ they could never love or accept me.”
The truth is, your struggles have nothing to do with your innate worth–you have enormous value and potential! You simply need the right knowledge, tools, skills and practice to change over time. As you do, your self-esteem and confidence will grow. While others may initially have a difficult time understanding your behaviors, as they are educated and see your progress, most will become your greatest supporters.
2. “I’ve tried to break free of this hundreds of times and failed–Once an addict, always an addict!”
What you’ve tried in the past is NOT this program. The Reclaim program is based on the latest brain science, research and direct experience with thousands of individuals. It is effective! With consistent effort, time and patience, you can succeed!
3. You’ve probably told yourself, or heard from others, one or more of the following: “You’re just not trying hard enough!” “If you were more spiritual you could overcome this!” “If you really wanted it badly enough, you would do it!”
None of these statements are true, nor are they helpful. In fact, this approach is a big part of the reason you’ve been unsuccessful in breaking free. More willpower is not the answer. Doing battle in your mind to keep out sexual thoughts only makes the problem worse. Focusing on the avoidance of anything remotely sexual only brings failure. A different approach than you’ve used in the past is needed–one based on the true and effective principles of change; one that focuses on healthy sexuality; one that will literally build new brain circuitry that no longer seeks your unwanted sexual outlets and behaviors.
The bottom line is, your struggles and failure to overcome unwanted sexual outlets and behaviors have probably created a great many “myths” in your mind about your worth, ability to succeed and what the future holds. You can break out of the trap you find yourself in. Reclaim is here and ready to help you. All you have to do is get started.