We all know that during the Holidays, time with family can be both an opportunity AND a challenge! Depending on whether these interactions are healthy or toxic, they can either support us on our recovery and healing paths OR hinder us! Knowing how to navigate this potential mine field is especially critical if you're in recovery from pornography addiction or healing from Betrayal Trauma.
Here are some tips and insights that can help you—
- Pay special attention to BALANCING time between your own self-care; nurturing your marriage relationship and connecting with family. Be careful not to allow one to override the others.
- In virtually every family there are certain kinds of what we call, "enmeshment." This means that we often grow up with a family environment that creates a family-identity-focus and priority as opposed to an individual-identity-focus and priority. There are certain rules and roles that we are each expected to play within this family identity. These "old dynamics" can easily collide with your new recovery and healing skills and boundaries. Be prepared for this potential conflict and how you will handle it in a healthy way.
- Seek to be mindful of your tendency to fall into old unhealthy family roles and how this can potentially put your recovery and healing at risk.
- Learn how to say what can be one of the most important words in families during the Holidays—"NO!"
- In porn addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing, you learn to set and enforce healthy boundaries. But, when it comes to the Holidays and families, we can easily abandon these boundaries. Realize that you need to set and maintain firm, healthy boundaries with your immediate AND extended family during the Holidays--just as you would any other time of the year.
- Always seek to "be your authentic, transparent self." But, also be mindful of where this transparency can bump up against your safety. A good rule of thumb is: you should only share your raw and real story with some one who has EARNED the right to hear it.
- Give yourself a break and chill out with family by letting go of expectations and NOT taking things personal!
- Don't be afraid to create NEW Holiday family traditions that bring greater intimacy and connection that some older ones that may need to be jettisoned.
Here's a PBSE podcast where Mark and Steve talk more about finding serenity in the midst of "family stuff" during the Holidays—
Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn
How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage