• mbkastleman

Healing Your Marriage After Porn—Conflict is NOT the Enemy!

Updated: Feb 25



When a spouse's porn use devastates the marriage, CONFLICT is a normal, expected outcome. This is especially true when the porn use is in direct violation of one's faith, beliefs and marriage covenants. For example, I work with many LDS couples where the LDS man is struggling with porn addiction. While conflict is expected due to porn addiction and betrayal trauma in virtually any marriage relationship, nearly all of us were raised with the distinct feeling that "conflict is to be avoided at all cost!" When conflict slams into our relationship like a tidal wave, we wonder if there's any hope that our marriage can survive porn addiction and betrayal trauma!


But there is an entirely difference perspective on conflict. In healthy, connected relationships, conflict is not only expected from time to time, but also encouraged! It's NOT conflict that destroys a marriage, but rather the way it's approached and engaged in.Collaborative conflict can actually help a couple successfully navigate porn addiction, betrayal trauma and healing their marriage relationship. In this podcast, Mark and Steve will help you learn:


- The important differences between "conflict" and "contention." 


- How to engage in a remarkable relationship skill known as: "Collaborative Conflict."


- Why real connection in a relationship is NOT based on "agreement."


- The focus MUST be on first seeking to understand and then to be understood.


- How we all bring our own "ego-defense-mechanisms" to the marriage relationship.


- Ego-defense-mechanisms FUEL destructive contention and get in the way of real CONNECTION!


- How past traumas from childhood and the marriage play a KEY role in conflict and contention.



For additional help, you may be interested in learning to successfully navigate what can turn into severely destructive contention and conflict—the disclosure of a spouse's past porn use and infidelity! If this disclosure is not done properly, it can destroy a marriage! Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage


And, in the midst of the overwhelming emotions of betrayal trauma, it can be nearly impossible to establish boundaries regarding sexual intimacy in the marriage. This article may be of help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage